107. Deja vu

Oh my last entry…. 

                             was written in a haze, eye crust still sitting in the corner of my eyes, while I sat stopped at a red light at the intersection of Mahoning and South Raccoon road. 

A scary deja vu.

The difference…. I was facing your old apartment, leaving “hers”.

 Immediately a sense of guilt over came me, I sat through a whole green light, staring into the fog of the morning trying to erase all the flashbacks. Surprise visits just to see you smile, balcony sitting, listening to your stories of your summer and excitement for fall, all well yelling at Nano to stay inside. Haha…. The overwhelming excitement of the “Big Move”. 

Finally I moved, I pressed the gas pedal and make the turn…. I swear my heart pounded so hard I could hear it over your C.D playing in the back ground. It’s all I ever listen to…. 

I laid in this recliner all morning, replaying the first time you stayed over. You laid your head on my chest, I swear my heart pounded so hard it was going to stop, and it did…. the very moment you looked at me, and asked “are you going to kiss me already”, that moment it stopped… jumped out of my chest into yours. 

Its been with you ever since…. it walked away, grasping your hand, looking back at me… yet you never glanced over your shoulder. 

 

 

I wish your happy, a true genuine smile. 

I hope your true to your self, your heart and soul, and never settle, no matter what anyone thinks of you. 

I wish you a successful future, a beautiful family, a daughter as gorgeous as you. 

Not a day… night…. minutes…. goes by…. needless to say…

 

 

i thought maybe maybe if I stopped writing about you, I could forget…. how wrong I was. 

 

“She” made a delicious dinner, and dessert, and I felt guilty… because of you….. 

seriously pathetic 

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