Why is it so hard to do the right thing?

It has been three and a half weeks since we broke up. 

I ended it because she was having a manic episode (bipolar 1) and she decided it would be good idea to have a drink. Next minute she attacks me, pushes me over and tries to strangle me. All of this in front of my seven year old nephew whom I have full time care of. 

It was like a lightbulb moment, I knew what I had to do. I knew I couldn’t ever guarantee my safety from that moment onwards. I knew I couldn’t allow my nephew to experience any more significant trauma in his life. 

Then shouldn’t it be easy? Shouldn’t it be easy when you have made the right decision, and you have done the right thing. You put yourself and your child first, you put your best foot forward to lead a life which is safe. 

I still love her, I love her even though she did what she did to me. What does that say about me? What is the lesson here? It hurts so bad. I never thought that a person I love with everything that I have would ever do something like that to me. 

It hurts so much.

5 thoughts on “Why is it so hard to do the right thing?”

  1. Just because it hurts doesn’t mean you should do something about it. The right things usually hurt… in my tiny point of view i see that you did what you did because you had to, safety comes first. You can’t be with someone and always have your guards up because you don’t know what she might do next…
    Do what you have to do to deal with missing her but don’t go back, don’t put yourself in another similar situation, you owe it to yourself.
    Best of luck stranger.

  2. Thank you so much for your comment. And you are so right. What you said makes perfect sense. I’m allowed to hurt and I will try and just feel what I feel and do what I need to. I can’t go back. What’s done is done.

  3. Proud of you for protecting yourself, and realizing you deserve better. The fact you still love her means you were honest with her and how you felt about each other. someone who is sick(mentally), and is hurting you in the process, is complex. The fact you thought of your nephew and yourself, and wanting something better and positive is admirable and you both deserve it. Life isn’t easy, and love isn’t either. You can love someone, but you don’t have to be in a relationship to feel or share it. Perhaps if she knows you are still a friend you can get some sort of closure. But maybe not. I just wish you the best <3

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