Happy Tuesday! 

Today’s Thought: Anxiety

I have been self diagnosed with anxiety. I know that is so weird to say, but I find that in certain circumstances I am very anxious and I am aware of all of my triggers.

1. Clutter. I don’t know why but I can’t deal with clutter…trash or dishes piled up. Laundry piled up. Junk on the floor, a messy bathroom. All of these things make me anxious. I can ignore it for a little bit but after awhile I go into attack mode and I have to clean EVERYTHING. It’s not OCD but I just have to have a clear space.

2. Being in an unknown space with unknown people by myself. I get anxious when I am thrust into an uncomfortable social situation. Now I am an extrovert by nature but when in unfamiliar territory around people who have already established relationships, I get weird and trip over my words, etc. this happened to me this wknd. It doesn’t last long but it lasts long enough where I just clam up.

3. When my family (mainly my mom) complains to me about any and everything, I get a tightening in my chest because there isn’t anything I can do to resolve this issue, this in turn leads to anger or annoyance. It’s so hard to describe but I literally have to detach and breathe.

These are just a few of many triggers that led to my self diagnosis, but anxiety can take many forms. I get anxiety when I think I’m going to be overdressed and stick out like a sore thumb, and I fixate on it and worry to no end. Some people like attention like that but I don’t. 

With the help of my fiancé, I’m slowly learning how to manage this. It begins with self talk & recognizing anxious thoughts and basically talking myself down. Once I do that, I then try to detach from whatever is triggering me. I don’t care who or what it is. If it’s making me feel anxious, I need to take a break from it. Whether that means ducking into a bathroom for a little bit, sitting in my room by myself, whatever it is, I just need a few minutes.

and I’m ok with that. Everyday is just one step at a time, but in recognizing that I have to protect my peace and mental stability. I can’t allow people or situations get in the way of my peace. With the wedding planning and all that comes with it, I’m working harder and harder to  not fixate or stress about things. I’m a work in progress but I get a little better everyday.

Also as a sidenote, I’ve been holding up my end of the bargain with the Gym. I went last Friday, and This morning. We’re on a Roll!!!

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