Last four days of last week were very strange I guess its depression attack which hits me mostly in winter in weekends(its being 3 years now), during these period I feel my brain is fill with jell and I see no hope for my future, if I close my eyes I see noting but dark, listen songs n watching cartoon n movies won’t help either, my life become pathetic during this phase, even doing jogging in this cycle won’t help. and they wipe out all the good progress which I made and they ruin my self-esteem, made me lost interest in life and that sort of things.
Last week I was doing pretty well with my hobby of the week i.e php codeigniter and then this happen again. I did nothing much on Thursday and Friday, skipped gym and do nothing about php and on Friday night condition become even more worse I feel like quitting gym and my plan doing a hobby a week. On Saturday I spend most of the time doing watching Cartoon Lupin the 3rd and went for shopping and get A hair cut. On Sunday night I went for jogging my condition was almost the same but on returning home I decided not to let my current condition to control me like this and some stuff from mindset book was also helping me out.
I checked Habitica and made account, Its an amazing app (then have web and mobile version), its a todo app with rpg game element to it, if you do your tasks you got xp and if you don’t you loss hp. Thanks Coconut for suggestion this app.
So for this week hobby I decided to learn basics of Excel and make a simple spread sheet as a project and Finish php codeigniter series and Upload the project management, project which I was making in php. (well website is done, some styling is left and uploading part).
I’m managing my todo on Habitica and I’m loving it so far. Initially I assign wrong time to tasks as a result Tuesday went so crazy, when I checked habitica it said “learn Php” task has due day 3pm (night) and it’s a gym day too, haha. and you have to read a book for 30 min atleast. so instead of changing tasks time I decide todo them. I returned home at 9pm, went gym at 9:30 and around 11 I’m done with dinner and I spent my time reading a book “The Reflection of a man” for 30 min and till 3 I learn php, woof that was close I manage to close my tasks on time, but I get 2 hp damage for not marking my task reading book, haha.
Now I’m positive and doing good with things.
8 month old bug
I’m working on a project for about a year now, it’s a multiplayer game, the network manager is written by some other Engineer now he isn’t on the project, this week I was doing a feature i.e Resume game once player has quit app and returned, resume game is simple if game is single player, but its get tricky in multiplayer game. something wasn’t working and server engineer was saying server is dispatching the message and I was unable to see that message on client side, then a noticed a log message in console and I google it. and found out its a big no-no, altering the content of dictionary while iteration it so I fixed it and network call arrived at client, haha,
Inner Child and fears
I have noticed I’m still like child whenever something good happens to me or something made me happy, the inner child of mine gets very excited and I started to people around me about that thing but in professional life people don’t care much about your personal stuff most of the time they get jealous and that sort of things and that’s once of the reason I started journaling, slowly my Inner Child will gonna die ultimately in favor of so called “Man-Hood”. Lately I’m reading a lot of stuff on character building and man-hood, most of the time that stuff Is helping me but sometimes it expose my fears and insecurities in front of me, yet I haven’t learn how to cope with them, now I’m at the phase where I can able to see my own flaws and wrong doings as a third person, which is good but sometimes they raised so many question in my mind and made me feel bad, these are simple things like, “hurt my friend over text”, “hurt someone’s feeling during lunch time”, “when someone telling about his experience and my I comes right in”, on the other hand I did improve a lot too, “like text university friend and I listen to him genuinely and talk about myself on my turn “, “acting mature in office while something went wrong”, ” acting as a team player and helping others”
I guess I’m heading in right direction now I’m in condition where I can see my flaws a third person all I have todo is eliminate them or reduce one by one. (mindset lesson, what can I do if that happens again?)
Curly Fries (means a girl with fair complexion and have curly hairs)
my best friend coined this phrase, haha
on last Friday I have seen a Curly fires Blue, yeah she is fair in complexion and had blue eyes and curly hairs, haha. I was heading towards my office she was walking in front of me I was already getting late so in hurry I pay no attention but I noticed curly hair though, I was waiting for lift and lift arrived I moved in and pressed the close button and punched 4 button, suddenly someone press the open button from other side, lift opens and it was she, haha, she looked at me and I looked at her, oh my her blue eyes, Thanks God I haven’t saw into her eye otherwise who know I might fell for her, haha, though after that I puts my hands free on and she started using his phone (I know she was nervous ). she punched 9 button. we were alone in the lift. lift stopped at level four and I moved out of the lift and I spend half day listening to music and thinking about what just happened, haha, kidding