Mistakes and Fear…..

I’m just questioning some choices that I’ve made about things. I am co-signing on my Nephew’s rental. Their having problems getting all the lease stuff done. I quietly hope that this house falls through. It scares me that they are renting a place that costs so much and they are going into it in a negative cash flow that would change soon. But still…..I don’t think that it makes sense….I trust that he’ll work it out as he has a job possibility that would help. He could do what I do and be full time. It would afford them some security and in the long run offer retirement good Ins. for the kids. The doesn’t like the possibility of work shift not fitting for his family life. However if you’re looking to buy a home on the island in the next few yrs. you have to do something now. Anyway….Then I think I’m being foolish to consider selling my Apt. and buying into this island dream thing of theirs. I am supporting them financially for a bit and it eats away at my savings that I won’t be able to put back. It seems to me that if I F^%ked this living situation is not a good reason to make more foolish, stupid, choices just because I don’t want to hear people in my apt. No choice is the right choice and any choice I make is a mistake. That’s how I see it and if I can stick to that saying….I won’t have as much fear and things to worry about. I’m also worried that I have gained weight and am not exercising as I should and I need to have a normal blood pressure….stuff that I won’t write to much about here. Anyway….I’m just wanting to D*^ at this point…don’t want to go to the big city in Feb. Don’t to go to Thanksgiving. Don’t want to do anything for that matter. I don’t have any energy, don’t really care to much about stuff. I just want to design houses and have my fantasy that I’ve had for yrs. Yeah there’s Men and well it’s my fantasy, my homes, my Men. I don’t have a life outside of my head…I’ve just given into the Fear and the level of Depression that I’ve in all my life. Enough for now….Thanks

 

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