My Crazy Queer life (Part 2 – The downward spiral)

The next two weeks of my life are ones that I would never forget. Mark had moved back in with his father and I had been left with no choice but to move back in with my mother. Problem is my asthma has always been really bad and my mother had 5 dogs. So as you can imagine I was at a lose, either stay with my mother and watch my health deteriorate or go back to my old ways and find other places to stay. I began flirting with some of the guys that had been throwing themselves at me over the past week. The first couple of nights I stayed with an ex fling and he was nothing but a gentleman, but that was short lived as he had a planned trip he had to go on. I swiftly moved on to this young kid who we’ll call Ezra. Ezra had been crushing on me for some time and when he heard my situation he offered to have me stay with him. Little did I know that I would have to pay for it by letting him blow me every night. Now most of you probably think that this was the perfect arrangement, but I felt differently. I felt like a prostitute and began having performance issues because of it. I would start questioning my existence every time I had to “make a payment”. This went on for about 4 days and then I got to the point where I just couldn’t even look myself in the mirror anymore. Now through out all of this I was still trying to fix things with Mark but he was having no part of it. His excuse was that we both needed to work on ourselves and that if it was meant to be then it would work out at some point in the future. He didn’t want to be together but also called me every night to make sure I was staying at my mothers house. The thought of me being with someone else was obviously bothering him. I had just left Ezra’s house with my things when I received a call from one of Marks closest friends, Adam. Adam wanted to take me out to the club that night on a date but wanted to make sure that if I agreed I was actually going to be there for him and not Mark who he informed me had plans to go to the same place. I agreed to go and as a courtesy I called Mark to let him know. He was quiet for a sec and then asked if he could get a ride with us. My first thought was this isn’t a good idea and that it would be awkward, but being the nice guy I am I agreed. Most of my clothes where at Mark’s so I thought it would be a good idea to just get ready at his house and then go pick up Adam. We left around ten pm and after picking up Adam we went straight to the club. As I had promised I spent a good amount of time with Adam, but I couldn’t help but notice Mark staring at me the whole night. I recognized the intoxicated look he had on his face, he was already drunk and it was barely 12. He came over once he saw Adam go to the bar for more drinks and mumbled something to me with a pissy look and then continued to walk away. I couldn’t understand what he had said but knew that it probably wasn’t anything good. Adam returned with our drinks and then asked me to keep him company to the restroom. I didn’t think much of it and tagged along. We had just entered the bathroom when I heard yelling from behind me and then felt a strong push. I turned around and Mark was yelling incoherently, ranting about how Adam and I were disrespecting him and how he would never forgive us and a lot of other not so nice things. Adam pushed forward and asked him to calm down because he was making a scene. Little did he know that he had just put gasoline on an already out of control fire. Before I knew it fist were flying and security was making there way over. Mark must have seen the security and snapped out of it for just a moment because he went flying up the stairs and out of the club before security could ID him. I swiftly followed him to make sure he was ok because I knew that he wasn’t only a danger to others but also to himself when he gets that drunk. He began screaming that all he wanted was for me to give him a ride home, so i did. Half way home he began yelling at me again and was getting hyped up. He accused me of being disrespectful and trying to sleep with his friend. I told him that the only person who had been disrespectful was him. I guess he didn’t like that because he proceeded to punch me over and over again as i was driving on the highway doing 65. I had had enough and pulled over on the side of the road and told him to get out. He straight out refused so i got out walked around and opened the passenger side door. I again asked him to get out, and he refused. At this point I was completely over him and just wanted him out of my life. I grabbed his hand and tried pulling him out of the car but he began punching me again. It was at that moment I blacked out, all I remember is rumbling around on the side of the highway throwing punches with all my might. It didn’t end until four police cars pulled up and separated us. By some miracle they let us both go but towed the car as we were both intoxicated. We proceeded to walk 4 miles to his fathers house arguing and occasionally swinging at each other again.I was completely barefoot and had marks from head to toe. When we arrived he yelled that he never wanted to see me again and went in but not before waking all the neighbors and his father with his yelling. The neighbor came out and saw how torn apart I looked and brought me into her apartment to help me clean up. It wasnt until i sat down  that i noticed i had broken both my pinkie on my left hand as well as my big toe on my right foot. The pain slowly kicked in. I called a few people to see if i could get a ride to the hospital as i was starting to feel woozing but no one answered. Against my better judgement i called Amy who as she always has answered on the first try. She ran over picked me up and dropped me off at the nearest hospital, she couldn’t stay because she had work in the morning. I began to re-play everything that had happen as I was checking into the emergency room. By the time I was in the room and the doctor was confirming my injuries I was a complete mess. I honestly had no desire to continue living and I broke down and told then doctor that I just wanted to die. She told me she would be right back and when she returned she had two police with her, one on each side. It was then that she informed me that by law she had to admit me against my will to a psychiatric facility. I sat there in complete disbelief as they gathered all my belongings and took them away.

TO BE CONTINUED…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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