I finally got my first paycheck here. I am in a lot of debt because I had to live on credit cards for so long, but at least now I can stop doing that. Next week when I have those extra days off for Thanksgiving, I need to get my stuff on eBay. I need to invest a few hours on it. If I sell my Chanel purse, that’s 2k I could pay off the debt I have. Clearly I have no need for a Chanel purse with my current life. I don’t have need for anything clothes wise but Old Navy khaki pants and $7 t-shirts from Target. Wear them out, and buy new ones next school year. Everyone there dresses terrible, so I still look better than most. I am going to make no plans to leave there. The kids are a lot some days, but there’s a lot I like about it- I love the no PLC. That was a fucking waste of time. The weekly dept meetings, though, seem stupid- what the fuck is there to discuss weekly??? Nothing. It’s a waste of my time. I already have to go to two sets of team meetings. I think I might as well forget any chance that I will ever be able to be all 6th grade, though. My counterpart is also elementary, so she has a greater claim on 6th because of that. I don’t like teaching 2 grades, but I had to the first 2 years I taught ever. I just hate the 7th grade curriculum. I would hate it worse if I had to do all 7th grade. I don’t like it at all. It’s almost completely physical science. The only way I could likely get to be all 6th is if our numbers went up, which is not bloody likely.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."