Dedication is getting through an average of an 80-100 hour week on minimal sleep. It’s staying up late to finish homework and getting up early to continue studying.
It’s sleeping in the back your boyfriend’s truck when he leaves for the city for work at 6AM, but you have an medical appointment or a meeting with the instructors at 1PM, and uber is $60+ and there is no public transportation that takes me from the boonies to the city so you just ride with him.
And doing that from mid-January to all of February when it’s still freezing cold out. Praying I get into the program this year. Praying I land this career position.
THEN I GET INTO THE PROGRAM.
THEN I GET THE JOB.
It’s listening for the quiet voice begging me to get up and catch the bus 2 hours one way to school and 2 hours back. It’s utilizing any extra break time in between classes and labs to read a few pages and take notes. It’s taking anti-nausea medication and chewing on ginger candies just so I can get some studying done on the bus even when all I want to do is close my eyes.
It’s doing the same thing for work. Bussing 2 hours to work and 2 hours back because your car broke down and you don’t have the money to buy a new one. And still going to work even though the money’s not really getting you anywhere fast enough.
Having multiple mental breakdowns because everything is too much, I can’t do it, what was I thinking? I need to quit.
But then bucking up and doing it anyway.
Sacrifices mean letting go of the wild side of me for a more responsible version so that my future self will have a stable life. It means setting boundaries to my carefree personality.
It means growing up and getting off Medicaid for a basic, minimal work-provided insurance coverage and doing my part with co-pay and office visit fees and calling to ask about any potential financial responsibilities before making an appointment.
It means forcing myself to do the things I don’t like to do so that I can later do what I want to do. Working for future stability. Slowly getting to understand how the real world works.
It’s sow now, reap later. Grind now, shine later. Suffer now, rest later.