My newest school writing project

Here is one of my newest writing projects we did in school. The goal of this writing piece is that its supposed to be sarcastic. So here it is. 

Congrats! You just got your first call to babysit. Now you have the responsibility to look after kids. From my new book A Babysitter’s Guide to Children here are 8 things you need to know to be a great babysitter.


  1. Show up late. When parents say show up by 7:30 they don’t really mean it. Show up at 8:00 in stead to let them have more time to get ready.


  1. Leave all of the doors unlocked. Maybe they forgot their wallet and they need easy access into the house. Plus you’re a lazy bum and you shouldn’t have to get up to answer the door.


  1. Let the kid eat whatever they want. You’re getting paid to watch them not feed them. Who cares if they get sugar high and pass out from all of the candy they ate. Just one less problem you have to worry about.


  1. Invite some friends. You’re bored and all alone. What’s the harm in having a few friends over? Plus if you don’t have any friends makes a new one with the family pet.


  1. Go through their fridge. They have a whole fridge full of food. They aren’t going to eat all of that. So go ahead, eat that big chocolate cake that the kid’s mom baked for her kid’s 6th birthday.


  1. No bedtime. Who needs sleep? Let the kid stay up as long as they want. Plus you’re doing the parents a favor. Now the kid will be too tired to bug the parents. And parents have better things to do like checking their Facebook or listening to Queen.


  1. Go through the mothers jewelry. Women have some nice bling so see what good jewelry she has. After you have put her diamond necklace and earrings, post a picture on every social media site and brag about how rich you are. Even though you get $10 an hour and you work minimum wage and McDonalds.  


  1. Sit on the kid. Your job is to babysit so why not do what the job suggests and sit on the baby. I mean you get paid to sit on kids. How hard it that?


Now you are set for success at being the best babysitter on the block if you order my new book A Babysitter’s Guide to Children for $29.99! We are having a special sale where if you order now you get your next book 25% off because we know that with what you get paid you won’t be able to afford it.

Hope you enjoyed!

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