Someone to hold…

I realized what it actually feels like to be alone.

It’s been more than a year since I’ve gone back to my education. I have no means of meeting or making new friends. All my current ones are scattered across the world or too busy to meet up. I have a girl who loves me but I don’t feel the same way back even though we’ve been a complicated relationship for the past 4 years or so. I feel empty and yet full at time same time. Like I have all the resources that I would need in order to get my self feel a whole again. Is it because sitting at home unemployed for a year turned me in to a turtle that never wants to leave it’s shell.

No, I don’t agree to that. I’m eager to meet new people and in fact I’m great at socializing, it’s just sometimes you don’t meet those people who feel the same way about having a good time. I really need to go out more often. Spend time with my generation and party or something. That will get me going. I cannot and will not live a monotonous life, which led me to quit my last job a month before I was promised a promotion and stocks of a company when I’m only 22.

I’m great at whatever I put my heart and soul it, but I suck at commitments. I really do. It scares me. May that be marriage, adopting a dog, or buying a car, it will get me overwhelmed if it’s my first time. I don’t always take things slow, that is not me. I like to rush into life and devour every moment. Han… a person’s eating habits does tell a lot about them. 

I need to take things slow, one step at a time. Remind myself everyday that life is a marathon and not a sprint race.

I just went off topic from what I mentioned in the title. Ah well, I did pour my heart out and not my brains.

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