On The Edge

I’m gonna be honest. It’s not very often that I journal. First, because my grammar and handwriting aren’t all that great. Second, because I never really have much that I wanna say…in a journal. But, here I am!

It’s sad that in a time of need, in a time when I need a real human friend or person, there is no one around. What does that say about me? I feel like that speaks volumes. Here I am, teetering on the edge of a cliff, wishing my God would just give me the okay. It doesn’t work that way though, huh? Because that’s not what he wants, that’s what I want….to stop. Stop it all, stop everything. 

I got in a HUGE fight with my husband today. I cringe and get nauseous even saying “husband” because I have feelings that are oooonly allowing me to hate him. I mean, I fucking loathe him. Like, who in the fuck do you think you are!? Who in the FUCK do you think I am!? (To him)

A Letter To My Husband:

Even after your disgusting ass cheated on me TWICE, after you drove me to the point of TRULY almost taking my own life (so much so that I had to be hospitalized), even after you broke your promises to me over and over….I still prayed on it, worked it out with you and God and decided to marry your cheating, sorry ass. I think you should be kissing my fucking feet on the daily instead of constantly yelling at me…..I’m just fucking saying. 

I’m leaving your fucking ass. You don’t deserve me, piece of shit!

-Me

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