I have a love and hate relationship with my old myself, and I am sure that I am much happier now but I was more awesome back then. I was your typical weird girl with many nerdy, weird, and awkward friends (I miss them so muuuch!). I would skip lunch sometimes to read fiction books because I couldn’t put them down! I was called out by teachers for many times during my high school days for not listening. I would always space out and daydream about creatures or worlds that I read about in novels. Plus, I always wanted to explore the wild and the deep sea in the hopes of stumbling to a different world. Yes, my weirdness got me in dangerous situations (my fault) but that’s okay. The thing is I get bored and then I go to extreme measures to satiate my hunger for thrill. But my innocence didn’t last long.
I had my fair share of puppy loves and I had my first boyfriend when I was 13 but we were kids so it didn’t last long. I realized then that I am not into dating because it made me uncomfortable, but I tried again when I was in 4th yr. I didn’t like the guy but he has a sports car and my other friends thought that was cool so they pushed me to date him. It was fine but I didn’t fall in love and he was too vain for me to take seriously so I ended things fast. But this Person happened and he took away everything. He manipulated me and it was too late for me to stop it.
He was there in the dark room alone with me. I was crying but he said comforting words that I couldn’t hear. He guided me to the bed because I was frozen in place and right there he stripped me of my innocence. My head screamed that I should get out but his hands were firm around me. He said I would like it, love it even. I never did. I cried heavily when it was all done and all he did was coldly pressed himself against me to show that he cared. But I know he didn’t. I went home and cried again and that went on for days. I felt so empty and that I’ve lost the old me.
P.S. I am much stronger now but I am much shallower than my old self but that’s okay because I no longer feel empty and I am much happier! I met my boyfriend when I was trying to sever the ties I had with that Person. My bf was the only person that saw my pain when nobody noticed, and after that, the rest is history.
Good night! ^_^