Sometimes I wonder why I have picked the path I have. I dated a guy in HS who cheated on me all the time. I had messed up my family life for him and ended up feeling trapped. When I finally broke free from him, I went back home at 20 with a baby. My parents probably would have let me come back before than but I had to end things with him first. I wasn’t willing to do that.  I dated some decent guys for short periods but nothing serious. Then I met E. I fell hard for him. Again..I fucked my situation by having my head up his ass. He was in and out of jail all the time. I married him…you know, cause he was a real winner. I even introduced him as my furture ex husband. He hated it. We had a kid together. Then he went to prison before his kid was ever born. I did that on my own. He got out for a few months and right back in. That’s when I ended it. My friend from HS and a guy I have wanted to have something with moved in. He always showed up when I needed him the most. This is King. I waited for 15 years to have my chance with tgis alcoholic drug dealer. Dunno why…it was just strong. He has put me through shit. Lots of shit. From alcoholisim, to his mood swings, my aggression. We had 2 more kids. They got to watch him go to prison for 3 years for his drunkin bullshit. I knew he had qualities though. I fought to get him sober. He graduates school in May with a cert. in HVAC. He still is a moody little bitch. Lately he has been lashing out over nothing. 

Today he told me I am worthless. I don’t bring shit to the table. That there is nothing that I bring to the table. I had to laugh. I just saved us a bunch on money twice in 2 weeks. First, the water heater is acting funky. It’s pretty much toast. King wanted to buy a new one but always bitches about money. I went and bought new elements, a new release valve, a new thermostat. He had to pull the lower element out in 4 pieces. I spent 7 hrs scrubbing and descaling the whole thing, vacuuming out all the crud through a little inch hole. I repleaced everything and got it working. The last few days the washer doesn’t always drain out. He was ready to buy a new one. Today I found out that the belt gets wet and doesn’t grip properly to the pump pully….simple towel fixed it. Not to mention the fact that I buy all the groceries and cook all the food. I clean the house. I drive the kids all round for school and sports. Now, if he was working all day at a job or school, cool. I can understand not getting help. That’s not the case. He is home by noon and plops his lazy ass infront of the tv. He can try to tell me I’m worthless all he wants.. I’m PRICELESS.

I also found out that I went through loser after loser because I can handle it. There are people who can’t handle it but I will be there to help. 

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