Sunday November 19th

I got to spend the afternoon with both kids and my mother. When Bethany and Mother left, I went to Brent’s with Noah. I sat on the sofa with Brent- fairly close to him and talked to him for a good while. He had to go meet someone to sell some bourbon, but then he and Noah and I went to dinner after. I do feel like we are getting closer. I do feel like I am making progress with him. Maybe it is just wishful thinking, but I do think he is a little more accepting of me. It’s so hard for me not to touch him when I am so close to him. It takes a lot of self-control. He doesn’t look at me a lot. I look at him, but there’s not a lot of eye contact. Some, but not a lot. I have no alternative but to keep trying. It’s so hard for me to accept this situation. It makes no sense to me. He is alone, I am alone, I love him, I am the mother of his children, I have a lot of good things going for me- I have a good job with good retirment, I’m smart, I’m the same weight I was when we were dating 20 years ago, I mean, most people wouldn’t believe that he was rejecting me. I know if he would just let down his guard and let us be together, we would be so happy together. All I can do is keep trying. 

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