My dumb mind

Life hasn’t been going so greatly anymore. Hopefully this is just a short period and I’ll be back to my senses and happiness soon. 

My anxiety has just been getting worse, I’ve been feeling alot more distant from my friends and my school attendance is getting worse and worse by the day. 

The thing about my anxiety is that I feel too nervous and too scared for almost every single class. The worst one is probably PE class, there I’ve already talked to several people in order to make things easier for me. Honestly I’m not so sure why It’s so scary for me. It’s not like I am extremely terrible at sports, I think It’s mostly because I’m being watched. The others probably don’t care but in my mind it is still extremly scary. The few times I actually show up to gym class, I am literally anxiour the entire time. I just have gym for myself and pray that It ends as fast as possible now. Before every PE class, I try to get as mentally prepared as humanly possible. I have a week long pep-talk for myself, and I’m so sure things are going to be fine, until the time actually comes. I usually freak out and turn around and literally just avoid it. Last time, I walked into the warderobe, got change and was about to enter the gym with the others. Though as soon as I saw the others in front of the door, I freaked out, wen’t back into the warderobe and started crying. I ended up having a mental breakdown. 

The second place goes to science class, I easily walk in there if it’s a normal class. But on wednesdays when we are going to do different science experiments, and work in groups.. we’ll my anxiety can’t handle that. In group projects I just end up sitting there and watch others do their thing, I just sit there like an idiot and do nothing. I know It doesnt have to be like that, but still whenever group stuff come up I just freeze like a stone, and I sit there and hope that noone asks me to do anything at all. There too I just sit and hope things end soon. 

And when I said I am struggeling with entering every single class, I was very serious. There too, whenever group projects come up I just sit there like an Idiot. Also when theres just two and two assignments, I become like a stone. Dumb as hell and all my knowledge just disappear somewhere. I start looking like an idiot and I feel bad for the person I’m working with because they mostly end up doing everything. 

I honestly don’t know what to do with this anxiety anymore.. I’ve already talked to the school nurse, but shes no longer to be seen. I’ve talked to the school consulor, I’ve talked to the teachers, I’ve even talked to the doctor and things doesn’t seem to get any better. Honestly It feels like I’ll have to drop out at some point if things don’t change soon. I don’t want to drop out, I want I good future, a successfull one. Things don’t seem to go my way right now… 

Also my boyfriend is sick. He has been sick for a week now and It’s killing me. Anxiety is getting worse and I don’t even have anyone to hug and talk it out to. My friends just left me to sit alone last time I cried in front of them. 

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