Fake Smiles

So, I have played softball since I was 4, and I loved it up until last year. I just lost the love for the game and it was no fun for me anymore. I play select softball, which means we play year round. So after the fall season last year, I told my mom that I didn’t want to play anymore because I wasn’t having fun and I had a jerk for a coach. So, my mom told me that after spring this year we would see how I liked it. What she didn’t tell me was that she was also going to tell my new coach about this, and she was not happy at all. She made me work extra hard because I was “taking my privilege for granted”, when I didn’t even want to play anymore. So I forced myself to put on a fake smile and tell my mom that I wanted to continue playing, when in reality I wanted to play less. As if that was even possible. Recently, my mom told me that she was so proud of how I pushed through to where I want to play again and regained my confidence and love for the game. I felt so bad for faking it that I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I still didn’t want to play. Apparently I was pretty good at faking it though, because my mom has also told my other coaches at the start of everything, and they all believed that I had my love of the game back. They couldn’t have been more wrong. I know that some parents will let their kids choose to do whatever they want as long as it is productive in some way. My parents are similar to that, but their thing is sports. They forced both of my older brothers to play some kind of sport, and my brothers felt the same way that I do. I even know what I want to do instead of sports, so it’s not like I’m just being lazy. I have recently begun playing guitar, and my dream is to become a musician. I want to be in a band that plays music similar to All Time Low, My Chemical Romance, Panic! At The Disco, Green Day, and 5 Seconds Of Summer. I love listening to, writing, and playing music more than I ever loved softball. I guess I’ll just have to keep playing both and hope that somehow music will come out over sports. 

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