Are you up there God?

Are you there God?

God:the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being.
synonyms: the Lord, the Almighty, the Creator, the Maker, the Godhead;

I’ve lost people who have always hoisted me higher than the crashing waves life.
Then they were gone. I blamed him, blame him.
I would smile for the rest of my family and hope that if I smiled, if I pretended that everything will be ok, someday it really will. They’re gone now. All of them. No one is lifting me from the suffocating waves of life. My parents brought me to church and something the pastor said stuck with me.
Everything that happens in life is planned by God.

-He planned to take away my mother with me in the other room?
-He planned to steal away my uncle’s life with me only hours away..?
-He planned to slowly take away my family, keeping them at roads length but never able to see them hear them,be with them?!

After that I stopped believing that this person, ‘god‘, was actually real. I mean, how can someone who is told to be forgiving and loving rip my heart from my chest, and still be this cruel, cold and heartless being?! Why..? Why did he leave me nothing but depression?

I have many siblings to care for and either my little sister or baby brother has gone missing before, but moments after desperately praying for their safety and location… There they are. Always home or in front of me. Everytime I pray in the end always find them.

I don’t know if your listening, or even if you exist.

But… Thank you.

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