Awake

I am so anxious about today I am awake a full hour before my alarm needs to go off.  I pray that everything goes smoothly today and there are no issues with the vendor, the building of or neighbors.  I need to find a way to grasp what is happening with my roles and duties.  I feel so lost and unprepared more often than not and with no sense of backup or support just a lot of pressure.  It’s like being asked to freestyle or wing it at something I am not wholly familiar with or  comfortable.  I realize I do not work well without guidelines and I have not been given any.  I wonder if this is something to bring to a EAP.  For months I was the manager of a team who was very familiar with their duties and didn’t require a ton of guidance to the last 4 months where I am responsible for policies, knowledge, communication, leadership in areas and topics I have no familiarity or expertise and continuous demands.  It’s nerve wracking and frankly chipping away at any confidence and excitement i may have had about this adventure.  

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