Letter to Appease

I’m sorry. I can’t sleep, I keep thinking about the movie that I’ve watched earlier. It’s an investigative sort of movie. I tried to think of happy thoughts because I thought it would help me erase those horrendous scenes in my mind but you know what? When I think of happy thoughts, You always come to mind instantly. I kind of hate it, but I guess I got use to it since it happens really often these times. How are you? I hope you’re doing fine.. and I hope, right this instant, if you are already asleep, you are dreaming of me. Funny right? I really want you to remember me, every little detail that you know about me, like how I remember you. I remember everything, how it started, how it grew, how it ended, and how it led me to this feeling. Truth is, I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. Maybe I’m done, maybe I’m not. Maybe I didn’t really love you, maybe I did. Maybe it was your fault, maybe it’s mine. Right, I blame you. I blame you for being so fucking irrational. I hate you so so much. If it weren’t for your stupid thoughts, I wouldn’t allow any other person to mess around with my already messed up life. If you didn’t give up because you think my friends hated you so much, If you just listen to me.. I hate you. and I’m sorry for hating you this much. I’m sorry for blaming you where in fact, I know, I really do, it was me to blame. But, I can’t just hate myself anymore.. I have to stop hating myself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I can’t take the blame. I’m sorry for being so weak. I’m sorry if I didn’t read between the lines. I’m sorry for giving up so easily. I’m sorry if I took you for granted. I’m sorry for being so foolish and flirt and angry with you. I’m sorry for proving what you said right. I’m sorry for making you choose between me and your friends. I’m sorry for hurting you, for making you cry. I’m sorry I can’t be what you think of me. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry for being so selfish until the end. I’m sorry.

 

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