The Hardest Thing To Get Over This School Year.

I can honestly and 100% say that the hardest thing to get over this year is the mental aspect that this is my final year and that after this there’s no telling what happens next. I say that because on an average day I wake up, wash up, and get ready for school but after I leave its like where do I go and what do I do with all the free time on my hands. I think that alone can be a scary enough thought. To me its like a person close to death wondering whats the next stage in their life. All the people i’m leaving behind like the friends that’s become like family to me that i’m not gonna see either anymore or for a long time. Its like I worked so hard on something for so long just to see it leave away. To a degree i’m happy, no more stress, no more long nights researching something I don’t know the first clue about, and a new chapter in my life to begin. On the other hand there’s still that burning question what now and whats next. Mainly because on the inside I know i’m not ready to be an adult and i’m definitely not ready for the task that come with it. I was never good at school at all in the first place, so to me its like than how can I be good as an adult. Even if I do good at this game called life I think there’ll still a fear of failure on the inside of me. I know my life can’t truly start until I got my name on a piece of paper state I graduated high school, but than again what if I was to fail and never move on. All the people that would feel like I let them down because of  how much time, work, and effort they put into trying to get me ahead, just down the drain. To be honest I think there’s a part of me that don’t want me to pass just because of these reasons. I know I can’t let that side get the best of me because than the people I know would be gone and i’ll still be here. I think the main thing with me is I wish there was just more time to redo things and try harder. Maybe instead of being just the cool guy, I could have also have been the smart guy to. To me the hardest part about this year is not the physically getting through but the mentally letting go of the normal stuff and going out to try to succeed on my own.

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