There are things I’d rather forget

There are things I’d rather forget. But that’s unfair, because those exact moments are what got me to where I am. I’ll never forget. 25, the morning of, I knew right then and there, I wouldn’t waste another moment, wondering what the hell I am suppose to do. I’m surprised it took me this long, but then again, being clueless got me doing all sorts of wrong with some memories I can truly look back and feel a great deal of warmth. I wonder if everyone feels this way, ready to go, with no more time to throw, away I go, young, alive, with my entire life to grow. 

It’s funny how I can write these things, like we are back seven months ago, I can still feel exactly like I did the morning of the day I was born, 25 years ago. Don’t misunderstand me, I am just feeling low, bedridden like Frida, with no where to go. 

I had made plans to move to the city, up north, for its opportunities. Now everything is set back, because I was eager to play in that damn snow. Shut your face, you were glad you went, up high in the mountain, cold wind and flakes hitting your cheeks, your nose frozen, and your breath warm but weak. A sea creature playing in a world unknown, I wanted to ski, because I knew it would be a while or even the last time I’d go. As a result, now I lay here playing the past, tormenting myself wondering what if I hadn’t left to have a blast. 

Fuck man. I should have trusted my gut instinct, which clearly had warned me. Instead I chose to ignore it, and it taught me its lesson with a vengeance. All I can do now, is hope I have learned and grow. “It could have been worst” yes, its true, but it also could have been avoided, and instead I could be dancing, running, and sing off tune. 

I was told something good would come out of this accident. Well let me tell you, I’m still waiting for its appearance. Perhaps I’m just being greedy, or selfish, and my life being spared was the great gift from the beginning. It’s funny how we are never satisfied, even when we are given a hundredth chance. Do we ever learn, and live happily while we can?

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