Tinder experience..s

My boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 years when he broke up with me, completely broke my heart into a million pieces. After being with someone for so long, constant attention and affection and having that all end you feel like you need to have someone in your life. I thought Tinder would be the answer to fill the void of him not being there. Hah, thought wrong. I started talking to B, he lived where I lived but flew to Alberta for work every couple weeks. We’d planned to hangout many times but a lot of the times our plans never fell through due to me being sick and just busy schedules. He finally came and picked me up in his nice fancy black truck and we parked in front of the ocean on a dark road. We talked a bit and got comfortable and eventually moved to the back seats of his truck. We had sex, wasn’t the best but I thought this was the answer to fix how sad and angry I was feeling and I also thought this guy liked me, after all, we had been talking for a while now, right? B then dropped me off at home. Couple days pass and no text, no Snapchat, no nothing. I then texted him explaining to him that if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore that he just tell me that instead of ignoring me, leaving me hanging, feeling like an idiot. B finally replied telling me to fuck off and never talk to him again.. I did just that. Me being me, I thought I’d give it another go at the tinder thing. I started talking to M. He was super sweet and really wanted to meet me but I was scared of what he’d think of me, maybe he’d see me the way I see myself. I finally found the courage to go meet him. We went to this view spot in the pouring rain, he asked me many questions about myself. This guy is wanting to get to know me, he must like me right?? He must be looking for a relationship. No. Thought wrong again. We hung out a few more times after this and one night he invited me over to his house for cuddles and a movie. It was cute at first, all cuddled up together under a blanket watching a movie and talking. Cuddling turned into him kissing me and trying to take my shirt off. I didn’t want sex..I mean I did but I wanted cuddles, that is what he invited me over for in the first place. He led me to his bedroom and it happened.. and it happened many more times after that. I started to enjoy it. It was covering up all my sadness and anger from my breakup. M would then stop talking to me for a couple weeks, I constantly bagged for his attention, asking to hang out and him continuously turning me down.. I gave up when my ex came running back to me and tinder was no longer an app on my phone and M was just a blocked contact. A year later, my boyfriend accused me of cheating after I unblocked M on my phone and hung out with him. That was the end of my 3 year relationship. Don’t worry, I’m much happier now without him as he had just become a routine in my day. I was no longer in love. Tinder very quickly became an app on my phone again but most times I forget it’s even there because I don’t want to meet someone who’s just going to leave after he gets some pussy. I’ve had many hookups since the breakup.. more than I should have in only 3 months. I started talking to J on tinder, very cute and handsome guy. He asked for my number, which I eventually gave him. We texted many times and fell asleep talking on the phone with eachother many nights. He liked me and told me he did many times, he got me, he understood me and acted like he cared for me. I started to like him too. He lived an hour away from me so I never went and met him until last Tuesday at 12am I drove all the way to meet him. Let me tell you, he was a beauty, more attractive in person than in his photos.. so adorable. He’s 6 years older than me by the way. I felt very stressed meeting him. Wondering what he was thinking. Wondering what he thought of me. He kept calling me cutie pie and he kept looking at me amazed that I actually drove all that way and happy that I was finally there. He could tell I was stressing and was super nervous. He then got up and said “I’m going to do something to maybe help and if you don’t like it, I’ll stop”. J then grabbed my face and kissed me and laid me down and continued to kiss me. We then cuddled which led to sex .. which I didn’t really plan on that happening so I tried to delay it. It was now 230 in the morning and we talked a bit and he thought I was spending the night but my mom would have killed me if I didn’t come home. He was a bit upset and asked me if sex was the only reason why I came over, which I told him it wasn’t because I tried to delay it. He agreed and said he felt like a dick.. which I assured him he wasn’t. He kept asking if I was okay cause I looked upset but I was just tired. He seemed to care. J had to be up early for work so he said that it’d be best if I head home before it gets too much later and I end up getting more sleepy for my hour long drive home. I was walking away and he pulled me back and kissed me telling me have a safe drive home. I ended up getting home at around 330 in the morning.. my mom wasn’t too pleased about that.. hah. I woke up to texts from him at 7am the next morning asking if I made it home okay.. that’s the last I heard from him.. he reassured me many times before we met that he wasn’t the type of guy to meet up for sex and or stop talking to me if that did happen. He still hasn’t talked to me. Opened my Snapchats, read my texts but still no reply. Again, I told him if didn’t want to talk to me again that he should tell me instead of leaving me hanging, feeling like an idiot. These guys are the exact reasons why I can’t trust anybody. Makes me feel like every guy is the exact same. Or I’m just naive. Don’t do the whole Tinder thing unless you just want one time hookups. 

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