do you know how it feels to not feel anything but the pangs of panic smearing your heart with overwhelming anxiety? do you know what it is like to have your entire universe snatched away? I have known the pain of a million stones laid on my soul because you were not just a “heartbreak” for me. you were everything. you made me feel everything. then when you left, you pushed me into the dark pit of inferiority and madness. my mornings weren’t crisp and my nights were anything but warm. your absence crippled me with breathlessness at 3pm and attacks at 3am. all I wish for was a way to shut my brain off because no matter how hard I tried, the painful thoughts of your truth in my life made me reject myself every moment. I doubted myself, isolated myself and did everything which made me regret to have survived to again go through the pain of breathing in your absence for yet another day. I know it sounds scary but do you realize how it has been for me, to have done nothing but love you with all that I had. my love may have been overbearing for your fragile heart to bear, but it was not a mistake to have suffered this torment. I was lost and empty. I had no purpose anymore. you left me in the middle of the road at the blink of your eye, sucking out all the trust and belief I had in me; you did not even care to turn back and look at the pit you had pushed me into. after all this that I have endured, I realized that you may have been a once-in-a-lifetime eclipse but I am the sun. I was shining promises, dancing in the beauty of chaos, but you were the gloom I was ignorant of. i cannot be you. I cannot stop caring. I cannot stop loving you.
I choose to wear my heart on my sleeve. virtually, everyone has labels hanging over them. I would like to remove them, but the truth is, we are all larger than the labels people give us to confine and define us. my soul speaks through images, words, and art; every shutter captures another piece of the soul, converting fragments of my life into memories. I draw lines to cross and wear clothes to take off. I live with friction in my bed and fantasies in my head. I am living an eternal fairytale where everything is coated in love, love and more love. I am flashy, I am deep, and my heart is the centerfold. passion is essential in my life. too many people are simply living but very few are alive. forget about the plastics and the superficial. I want classy, I want trashy. give me anything that breathes with conviction: thinkers, lovers and leaders; people who turn love into paintings, people who turn tears into sonnets, people afraid of life but never afraid to live.