December 4,2017

I’ve been with my abuser husband for 17 years since I was 15 we have a 12 year old daughter together. He hasn’t worked in 5 years and me and my daughter were living with my mom. Well 2 years ago we got our own place and I’ve been working and paying all the bills by myself. He calls me lazy and sorry and a skank And tells me to get out of his house. He grabs me and shoves me hits me with a belt and tries to choke me. I try to fight him off. He never like punches me or anything but he does get very physical with me. He threatens me and tells me his lawyer is gonna put me in prison and he is gonna take my daughter from me. He is always threatening me and calling me horrible names and tells me I’m so ugly and fat and I am a sorry piece of trash and that I learned to be a whore from my grandma who is dead and was a very sweet Christian lady that he never even knew. He says the most horrible things to me that just rips my heart out. If I don’t agree with everything he says then I have hell to pay. I do everything for him and work and pay all the bills by myself he won’t even help me keep the house clean. He tells me it’s my job to pay the bills and make sure he has food. And it’s my job to clean and cook and do everything. What is his job?? He just sits around watching cable that I pay for all day!!! I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. I have no where to go or anything. I hate my life. I’m so miserable and i cry everyday. We fight every single day!! He won’t leave and I have no where to go. I’m just looking for advice on what to do and someone to talk to. Do you think that this an abusive relationship? Because he never full on punches me still fights me like a girl would fight like shoving and jerking me around and hit with me with a belt. He tells me if I don’t shut up I’m gonna get it. I can NEVER have my own opinion i have to agree with him on everything or I’m a sorry piece of trash and he gets right in my face and screams at me and backs me in a corner or up against a wall and screams in my face. I just don’t know what to do. I wanna end this relationship so bad. It should have been ended years ago but I was stupid. I take methadone and I am addicted to it. If I don’t take it I get really sick and feel like I’m dieing. He is the one that gives it to me and he uses it to punish me. If I make him mad he won’t give me my medicine. He throws it in my face and calls me a drug addict. My name is first on the lease but his is second and I know it sounds stupid but I don’t want him to go to jail or be on the street I just want him out of my life. I just hate to see anyone suffer I really do and I know it’s stupid and sometimes I think that he is right I am just a stupid lowlife. I feel like I am cursed with this life. All I’ve ever wanted since I can remember is to be a mother and wife and live a happy life with my family and my life is the complete opposite. No one has ever ever loved me since I was a kid I’ve always been the black sheep and he throws that up to me to that no one loves me and never has. Sometimes I wonder what did I ever do to deserve this life. I am such a nice person and have a heart of gold and everyone treats me like crap and hates me. I feel doomed forever and feel like I will never be loved. I thought about going to the police and having him removed but I can’t find the courage to do it yet. I’ve attached pics of some of the things he’s done to me. 

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