Hello, I think that’s the easiest way to start this off. Let’s talk about a seldom talked about but major issue that affects many households, unemployment. Here’s the twist, how does unemployment affect other people in the household dynamic? What emotions, feelings and stresses do the spouses, family, and friends find themselves facing but blocking into a society that’s too polite to bring it up.
Now why do I bring this up, well surprise my husband is unemployed. Here’s the kicker in only 4 years of being with him this is the 4th bout of unemployment I’ve had to deal with. I’m trying to maintain my view here of a loving husband and possibly someday father that wants to provide for his family but everyday and every time this issue arises it becomes harder to keep it.
The first time he was unemployed was when he first got out of the service. He was your typical infantryman a.k.a. not too many life skills that translate to the civilian sector despite what crap the military might shove down your throat. After a while he started working for strip clubs in the area as security but hey it was a pay check. Sounds like the kind of man that would do the sometimes crappier jobs if it meant he had a job right, well no.
The problem I face now is that he has no job and he feels above taking a crap job just to have a job. Can I call the bank and tell them to pay our car loan with self pride, as much as I wish that’s a hard no. However, bill still have to get paid which puts the weight entirely on my shoulders. Now I know what you might say our vows should have covered this in the worst of time right. Yes but I mean come on this is the 4th time I should feel at least a little justified to be angry, frustrated, scared, anxious and about a dozen other emotions. However, all the good books, articles and friends say you can’t press someone in this situation too much.
I’ve tried to be calm about the situation but it’s been about 6 weeks at this point and no foreseeable progress looms anywhere on the horizon. It’s funny 6 weeks ago he interviewed for a position with the state and it takes about a month to hear back because of background checks and what not, acceptable. What’s not acceptable is then spending that entire “month” of waiting to hear back on a possible job not applying to anything else, skipping other job interviews you had, spending money like water and not even attempting to pick up some of the slack with keeping up a household. I married you as your wife not your mother.
When a month later he calls back to try to inquire about if he received the position or not he gets no answer and no call backs. Then starts the complaint of he didn’t get the job because the area we are in is racist and no one around here recognizes his true worth. At the end of the day waiting a month on a hope is foolish, not taking another job/any job crap or not is foolish.
My parents always said it’s easier to find a job when you have one. It’s the truth, having something to pay the bills makes you less desperate, gives you more room to negotiate with the right job, and if we’re being honest here it doesn’t hinder you in any way for finding other jobs. Trust me I’m no fool your entire day isn’t spent looking for, applying to and interviewing for jobs. In fact, I’d say not even 2 hours of every weeks is dedicated to that. So I’m frustrated and feeling very alone and anxious.
That’s all she wrote for right now because this is something I feel needs to come out slowly over the course of days or weeks. Not just 6 weeks of pent up emotions poured out into a 50+page entry.