I am just one of so many reaching out to the world.
Why would me specifically in among millions of people be given a shit about?
I don’t mean this is a self deprecating way necessarily, I’m just trying to figure out what’s worth giving a shit about about me.
Like sure there’s things but as a whole I’m such a boring person. I spent so much time distanced from the world and myself as a coping mechanism that now that I’m conscious of myself as a person again I don’t know who I truly am or how to make myself happy. 75% of the time I am just numb. I try to engage with so much nowadays but I still don’t feel as much as I want to be able to.
I am neutral so much but at least that’s better than negative like I used to be, right?
I have gotten so much further in life then I ever thought I would, I need to be/ am grateful for that. I just need to keep pushing forward and up. I need to engage with the real world more, to engage with art and creativity more ( my own and others ), I need to find things that make me laugh, cry, give a shit in anyway.
I need to not fall back into the contentedness of soft comfort and escape depression/dissociation can be.
I am real/alive/human
I can be happy/loved/loving
I will be and have all that I need and want in life….it just takes time and active choice/action