Entry #9 – Apathy

Is that like some sort of condition or something? Something you can be…”afflicted” with? I wonder…

Anyway, hey! It’s been a while since my last post, but honestly I can only write when I feel like I have something to write about. And today I most certainly do.

I thought I’d talk a little bit about my problem. No, not the nausea. Or the social anxiety. Or anything familial. Okay, I get it; I have a lot of problems. This one’s something I’ve never talked about on this journal before.

The idea came to me when my dad had someone come over and we all ate dinner together. He was talking to them and seemed to actually take an interest in what they were saying, which struck me as odd since my dad is a very obvious narcissist. I absolutely didn’t expect him to show interest in others. I figured that was one aspect that we had in common, but I guess I was wrong.

Seeing that made me wonder if taking an interest in other people’s lives was a necessary skill to be apart of society. If you haven’t guessed yet, I’m the kind of person who has very little interest in the lives of others. To put it bluntly, I don’t care “how your day’s been” or “what you’ve been up to”, and it’s very hard for me to ask those sorts of questions genuinely. Keep in mind, it’s not that I don’t want to take an interest. It’s just that I don’t. I can’t help that I get bored extremely easily when someone talks about themselves.

There are exceptions to this, of course, but it usually accounts for strangers and people who I don’t have anything in common with. Perhaps my ADHD has something to do with it, who knows. Because of this apathy of mine, I do my best to avoid having conversations with people, for fear of it becoming a dry conversation:

“Hey Flash.”

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

“Good.”

“Good…uh…”

“…”

“…”

Yeah, like that. I hate that, and yet that’s how many of my conversations turn out. I’m just not a good conversationalist, and because of my attempts to avoid making that, I tend to come across as cold and distant to people. A lot of my relationships have been withered to basically nothing at this point, and I’ve evolved into a full-on NEET who can’t even keep up a conversation over the internet. Pa-the-tic.

I wonder how I’ll turn out in the future, being unable to talk to people properly. I certainly couldn’t speak to customers or participate in business meetings. I need a quiet, un-social-y job where I can be mostly left to my own devices and not be forced to interact with others. Gimme your ideas.

Alright, I think that’s enough for today. ADHD’s telling me to do something else now. Buh-bye.

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