Today was “one of those days”. I drug myself out of bed to call the vet, only to find out they’re booked a month out. Nope. Got recommendations for other vets but I couldn’t conquer the fear of taking my dog to someone I don’t know or trust. I looked at websites and read reviews but couldn’t shake that none of them felt right, instead, I just became more anxious. Finally I called our old vet and scheduled an appointment for Monday. My dog knows and likes him and I do, too. It just means we have to drive an hour to get there. But, at the end of the day, I feel better knowing we’re going to someone she already knows and who I trust will take good care of her. After that was done, I tried taking a nap but that didn’t work so I tried drinking an energy drink and that didn’t work either. It turned out to be one of those days where I wasn’t motivated enough to do anything (combined with the fact that I’m hurting and uncomfortable) but I wasn’t relaxed enough to enjoy a day at home, either. I never watched a movie or took a bath or anything relaxing. I tried to read but wasn’t feeling it. In a way, I kind of moped the day away. I was frustrated that I was neither productive nor content with a lazy day. I was just stuck in this blah mood all day and I couldn’t shake it. Then 4 O’clock rolls around and I get this whim that I’m going to make a pot of coffee and watch TED videos. Random, I know.
Which brings me to the main point here. TED talks. Does anyone watch them? I’m obsessed. They’re inspiring and they provoke emotion and bring out the motivation and the curiosity in me. Okay, yeah, they’ve made me cry, too. Of course it depends on what you’re watching but I love that there’s millions of choices and so many can just…relate. I’ve watched like 4-5 tonight and I’m not done yet. I watched a few on finding what you’re meant to do in life, passions, one weird one (in my opinion) on cheating which I was curious about but quickly lost interest in and moved on and then a random talk or two from there. I remember my doctor telling me when I feel stuck in a hole to watch one or two and in another session she gave me a few specific ones to watch. But I first became obsessed when I watched Janine Shepherd who gave a talk called “A broken body isn’t a broken person.” If you have any interest, I highly recommend you watch it. Her story is heartbreaking and terrible and incredibly inspiring at the same time. In such a lesser way, I could relate to her story. Except that she found a way to be triumphant and I haven’t, yet. But I like to think we share the same determination. That led me to watching talks about the power of saying yes and suicide and vulnerability. They broke my heart and at times I cried. Other times I was thriving with inspiration. And sometimes I just felt connected to a random person giving a speech and whether or not it was a recorded talk on my computer, I didn’t feel so alone. Now days I forget about them sometimes and how they can lift my mood. Though, I’m thankful I remembered at all because today was rough and I was a little worried about myself… Anyways, one of my favorite songs, “Saltwater Gospel” (Eli Young Band) just came on so I’m going to make another cup of coffee and if nothing else, I’m going to be in a space of “okay-ness” tonight.