Entry number two.

And now you probably know what I mean, it’s been like two weeks since my first post and surprisingly, I’m right here typing away which means I haven’t forgotten about the online journal thing just yet.

To be honest, I actually started typing this one out and just left it, until now of course. I really wanna make this a routine you know, jotting down even little things. Doesn’t always have to be a never-ending narration.. every little helps right? And it does not take up much time either, we can make time for ourselves at the end of the day to just loosen up and write out our emotions if we really wanted to but sometimes it’s like you can’t be bothered to, so you don’t and that’s okay too. 

I’ve realized I complain so much about being busy (I thank God that I am by the way, busy’s good) and if I wasn’t busy I’d probably complain anyway. Some days it’s not just being physically tired but more about being mentally and emotionally drained. Anxiety can take a lot out of you especially when you’re constantly OCDing and thinking of one thousand things at once rather than focusing on what you’re actually doing but that’s just how it works, isn’t it. Those days when you’re like ” I don’t feel like working today, falling back asleep would be so much better right now ” when truly, it’s not. Work is good – you get up and you show up and it might take you some more time than usual to set up but you’re there nonetheless. You can put yourself into your work and possibly distance yourself from your own mind which ironically can be your worst enemy, personally speaking. 

Another thing which is a major issue right now is my weight, I’m gaining it on so fast and so easily but it’s my own fault and nobody else’s. I always say to myself I’m going to change my habits and I don’t, time after time and thing is, I felt unhealthy and I feel bloated, I feel the need to workout and I just don’t even though I absolutely 100% know I would feel so much better if I did, even if it’s a 15 minute workout, it still counts and it’s definitely better than nothing cause it shows you’re actually trying. People are like ” what are you on about, you are perfectly fine! ” but it’s not how others see us, it’s how we see ourselves and no one but ourselves, can change that. We can make ourselves feel better and feel confident – it requires work and dedication but the results are so much more than satisfying cause like they say, nothing worth having comes easy although it may take us some time to realize that. Long story short, this is one of the many things on my ” Must-Do List ” which I need to get down to, hopefully sooner than later. Anxiety and depression are a real b*tch, they mess you up and disrupt your schedule, make you dread doing things or going to events which you normally would be looking forward to and last but not least, they make it so much harder to set into a new routine. I hate change but change is good and without change, there is no progress. Personally speaking, as long as I settle into a routine, I’m good and things which usually seem so major, become the simplest of tasks. 

Daily reminder: You are stronger, you will be better and YOU CAN do this. 
The real question is, when are you willing to start?

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