9: nothing

It’s been awhile that I sat down, write and just think about what happened in my life. There’s a lot of annoying thoughts and it’s difficult to sleep comfortably not because my bed is uncomfortable but because my head is driving me crazy. I just want a hot drink, lay down and read a book that won’t fuck my shit head. I tried reading books but so far I can’t focus on one. I overthink everything and all of them is mix up there in that shitty mind. I hope I can organize them soon or else shit will come down. Currently, I am watching a video game contest but it’s taking so long to start, so much chit chat, I don’t have the patient, but I really like this game. I hated waiting, or maybe the feeling of anticipation, I don’t know, now I am over analyzing. Anyway, I was watching youtube last night which is literally my life now. just watching videos, the very odd ones. Then, I stumble on horror content and one thing caught my attention which I avoid but I saw it and its haunting me till now. The title goes like this “A ghost caught whispering: Did God forgot to come?” It got me thinking about what if’s or maybe’s. What if the God that the society fed us for so long does not exist? That’s sad, it’s heartbreaking, very isolating. I don’t have any bad intention about religion, God or faith.  My main point is how can a person willing to accept the disappointment and transition. How much can we comprehend and move on. I might get all the hate and you can twist me but whatever. I am positive that people die for a reason and purpose. No matter how and when. I am also having these insane imagination of how after life is gonna be. What if people experience different kind of after life, and its different from everyone else. And if its hell, it is because she/he chose it and likes it that way. Well, I believe everyone will have a very peaceful after life. I am very certain of that and if it’s not, then, I will be in hell but I have lived a life and I guess that’s all I need. Let me deal with it when it come. For now, I am alive and doing some shit. 

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