I am a ball of anxiety and depression.
I don’t even know where to begin.
I am getting married in 41 Days. I haven’t even gotten my dress altered yet. I work for my future mother in law. She has been on vacation. Meanwhile, rumors have come down the pipeline that the business may go bankrupt. She is retiring in a year anyway. I had planned to continue to work and save money, start taking classes before heading back into the job market. But I may lose my job…. much sooner… I am getting married in 41 days.
I also recently started volunteering as a counselor for a warm line and online organization. My job is to listen to peoples problems and try and help them talk out their issue and hopefully guide them to their own solution. I’ve helped a few people at this point. But over the weekend, a client triggered me, and I had to take a step back. I can’t say it was entirely this person. I was already feeling pretty bad. Oddly enough, volunteering had been really been making me feel better. I am not the kind of person to tell the world when I try and put good into the world. I feel like it’s not really a good deed if you need the world to see what you’re doing. So this little volunteer project really has been moving and motivating me. I think my already unhappy state of mind mixed with this particular client, has just been a really intense roadblock. I’m still feeling it.
I spent today trying to pull myself out. I think coming here and creating this is also going to help pull me out.
I vacuumed the house. I have always noticed, when I don’t feel great mentally, my house is a mess. So I made myself get up and deal with the dishes, vacuum, and do some laundry. I also took some time away from volunteering for now. I plan on jumping back in in a few days. But for now, I want to feel more like myself, get some more of the wedding details done (like the fucking dress alterations already!) Then hopefully jump back in before the holiday season hits. I know that’s a rough time of year. I’m sure the lines and my inbox will be blowing up with people who need to talk. I want to be ready for myself, and for them too.