Yesterday (Sunday) was a good day. I got to go to church and hear the word preached. I went to dinner with parents and also has a surprise short visit with the kiddos. Later I got to meet up with an old friend and discuss life matters. Of course, just like every other day, my family was at the front of my mind. Today was just a regular day. Work and then swung by my parents as usual. I have been struggling lately with the fact that I see “Christians” treating each other less than “Christ like”. When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was he replied “Love thy God and 2nd love thy neighbor”. I keep asking myself ….. how are we going to be able to get along in heaven?? Or is it that if you despise another then one might not see heaven? I am chastised by this thought. I have been guilty of not loving others for various reasons. When I get to heaven, I want my mansion built right next to my wifes so that I can gaze upon her angelic beauty at any time. I’m confident that she would not be fond of this idea. I love that woman so much. I have often been asked why I would continue to have feelings for her considering the current situation. The easiest response for me is “the heart wants what the heart wants and we should always go after what we feel is right”. Even if it looks impossible. How would she ever know that my family is my priority if I said or did otherwise. Yes, I get very lonely but the thoughts of her and kids are more satisfying than the “love” of a stranger. It brings more contentment to sit alone and dream/reminisce of them than to be in the company of someone else. I truly without a doubt know what I want. I fear that she will never open the door to the possibility that I have in fact an abundance of forgiveness and love for her. I once read that our entire lives can be defined by one decision. And Lord knows that I have made some bad decisions. Thank you Lord for your grace!!! For instance…. I could make the decision to move on with a new partner. Would it be easier than dredging through all of the past and hurts with my wife?? Easier than working at bringing her walls down to trust me?? Absolutely!!! However, there is no worth in giving up and starting new. The only value is something that takes work. I would rather have a legacy to stay with my wife until death than to always wonder what could have been. I confirmed my feeling yesterday about relationships. Most marriages die because one or both persons decide that it just isn’t worth the trouble. Why is it that we put some much energy into worldly things instead of what is truly important?? Also, we say and do things that make it difficult to come back from. People sometimes just don’t want to lay down their weapons. They need those weapons to hold onto in case they may need them down the road. If I could tell my beautiful wife…. I would tell her my weapons are laid at her feet. She can even use them against me. I don’t care. She is worth it for me to put Shawn aside and nurture her back to health. I honestly have never encountered any else with the same heart/attitude. It is depressing really. If she ever tore down her wall I would respect it and help her. I don’t want to spend the next 15 years getting to know someone new. I want to spend the next 15 years redeeming my marriage and making her feel like the most loved lady on the planet. With God’s guidance and convictions…. it would be easy to do. Lord, I will be open to you instruction.