So, my fiancee sent a bunch of messages to my mother in law today asking her if I still will have a job when she comes home in 2 days. She has gone from wanting to retire in a year, to fuck it, I’ll just retire now. Her lack of communication just kind of confirms my fear. That even though our wedding is in 40 days, she is going to fire me. Which means we may need to cancel the wedding. That she doesn’t want to deal with us, so she’s just going to avoid it and then tell us to deal with it. Or put on a show for us about how she is the victim and somehow twist things that we’re awful for wanting to know if I need to look for work or not. Either way, I’m already like fuck her, fuck this job, and fuck marring into this family. I kind of just want to be as far away from her as possible.
I still haven’t called anyone about dress alterations. Part of me wants to cancel the wedding. I just don’t know what to do. Everything in my gut is like fuck this! Do you want to marry into this?? No way! Not to mention, we sunk every penny we had into this wedding. I leave to get married, and I come back broke, and unemployed! Oh and I have yet to mention, the IRS thinks I owe them $11K. So that’s just great. If I cancel, all of our families become furious because they too have spent lots and lots of money on this stupid out of state wedding we started planning a year and a half ago. Like why put money into a dress for an event I no longer want to take part in. And if we do go, it will be the most miserable trip ever. Money makes me panic. We have zero safety net. I highly doubt I’ll be able to enjoy ANY of it. My fiancee and I both agree, her actions have absolutely ruined our wedding. We both wish we had just gone out there on our own and eloped.
So I’m trying really fucking hard to find some positive in all of this. I didn’t go on a drinking bender today, as much as I kind of wanted to. I wallowed in Burger King and like 2 good joints. So now it’s time to find the light in all of this darkness. I hope this works for now at least.
- I hated working for my smothering controlling mother in law (Devil Woman as the staff calls her.) Now I won’t have to.
- I hated having so little creative control in my job. Maybe the next one will have less micro-managing.
- Maybe I can still find some way to go back to school. I really need a degree to keep doing the kind of work I do. Until now I skated by on experience. Every job I see wants a degree AND experience. Maybe this can be a step toward that degree.
- We always wanted to move out of state. Maybe I start applying for work in different states we like. I fell in love when we traveled to Colorado, and 2 of our closest friends live in Denver. The cost of living was cheaper. Weed is legal. Jobs were plentiful where we were looking. It would also e FAR away from any of our meddling ass families.
- We’ve talked about how we should have bought a smaller home (yes, we bought a house last year and my mother in law helped me! So what the fuck!?! Like it’s not like she doesn’t know we have mortgage payments!) Because then we would have a cheaper mortgage, bills and could travel. Perhaps that is our back up plan. Sell the house and go smaller.
- If I don’t have to work for the Devil Woman anymore, and she is going to travel in her retirement, maybe I won’t have to talk to her again for a while.
- Maybe we’ll get some money from the wedding. And we can use that to stay afloat for a month or so. God, please let there be some kind of check!
- Maybe I can take a crappier job for now if things get tight. I’ve always been very employable. I never mind taking a little less pay if the experience is worth it.
- I did some work I’m really proud of over the past few months. I work with naturopathic doctors, in my state, this kind of doctor is treated like a quack. In the year that I have taken over the marketing and PR, I’ve gotten all the staff doctors on local television talk shows, interviews and some great magazine articles. That was huge for me, and for them. So I guess I go out with a bang?
- I’ll never have to have to go through the embarrassment of when the Devil Woman brings up personal family business in front of the rest of our staff. Nothing made me feel more like a turd than when she would complain about her son and/or me as if I wasn’t there or to teach me some weird lesson through embarrassment. NEVER AGAIN.
So is this still a terrible predicament to be in, omg yes! But is there some silver lining, yes, definitely. And that’s what I need to think about. Hopefully, I will continue too.
Today was rough. Tomorrow and the rest of the week may be worse. Keep breathing.