It’s hard to reconcile to the idea that I may never know what really happened. And he just made his Instagram private so I can’t secretly creep it anymore. It’s not even this specific heartbreak that makes me upset – because the relationship was so short-lived (as most of them are) – it’s the idea of not having answers. I try to tell myself I have to keep looking forward, keep moving forward. “Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.” But then the unanswered question of “what the hell happened?” comes creeping back in. It will haunt me for a while.
Part of me can see him coming back. Because he seems so wishy-washy. But I don’t want to hold my breath. The only thing it would give me is a feeling of vindication. I wouldn’t try again to date him. That’s done. But it would make this feel a hell of a lot better if I knew what the real reason was, or if he came to regret it. Or even if he wanted to open his social media to me again so he could see how fine I’m doing. (Because I won’t post anything publicly there about my true feelings.) Time will tell. But time will also heal. And maybe by the time that happens, if it does, I won’t care anymore.
I hope 2018 brings me some good luck in love. Fingers crossed.