Thoughts on a rainy night

I have been sat here for a while now looking out my window. Maybe a few hours, maybe less. Time has blended into a nothingness as the dark draws in, i have always found the darkness of winter slightly more suffocating than the rest of the year, It seems to cling to you in a way that makes you feel alone, like you are the only person enclosed in it, and for someone like me who feels a constant sense of loneliness, it can be trying. Anyway, as i sat there thinking about life my mind drifted between anything and everything, but i kept feeling the mental tug towards sadder thoughts which although i am used to still leave me with the feeling of heartache and a broken nights sleep. for full disclosure i have suffered from depression and anxiety for over a decade so these nights are a dance i know the steps to. or so i thought, tonight was different.. my usual sense of impending melancholy was overwritten by a strange yearning and wanderlust, it felt refreshing it felt like a small internal shift and one that has made me feel positive. my unconscious reactions usually fan the fires of depression til i am a husk who has to rebuild myself. But tonight i realised that i am the captain of my own soul…..and that was wonderful.

2 thoughts on “Thoughts on a rainy night”

  1. Very glad you began to feel something positive. Loneliness and winter months are my foes as well but we press on and find little rays of light as you did tonight! Very proud of you!

  2. thank you so much for your kind words, that is very nice of you to say 🙂

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