I feel like a lost puppy

Dear Diary,

I watched this japanese drama called you are my pet. After I watched that I just couldn’t control my tears. I don’t even know why I was sad as the ending was a happy one. I guess I was sad as after watching that I myself felt like a lost puppy searching for my master who could understand me and read me. Understand from my actions or even just by the way I talk if I am troubled or making it up. I guess to understand that you need a person who is selfless and is able to handle me and take my responsibility irrespective of my current situation. I wonder is there anyone like that. I am really trying hard to find someone but at the same time I dont want to stress that other person out or overburden him. I will do my best and give it all that I have so the owner feels that he is able to receive the love and care back. I guess it is is a kind of forbidden love which only can remain between me and that person. Something which just makes me happy and satisfied. At times I feels at the rate at which this world is going, to find a person like that would be close to impossible but I guess I just don’t want to give up. I am not looking for sex but something which is more deep and irreplaceable. I guess that after watching that I feel so trapped, claustrophobic and tomented at the same time. I just wanted to get that person fast and just hold that person and cry for hours. 

I did find someone I like that but I guess it was just too much of a burden that he left as he assumed a lot which I didn’t want. I am unable to forget him and at times I feel that I try to find a person greater than him but I end up just tossed around from one emotion to another. 

Finally in the end I end up still worrying about him if he is doing okay. I wonder that I think so much about him even though he doesn’t even bother. Even this ignorance drives me insane and more attracted to him. We have so many cold wars which end up for months of silence and it is like an invisible wall built. At times I feel that I am too much straightforward with my emotions and I get too much into it that it is just too hard to come out of it. But then I can’t pretend just to get something in return I rather wait for that emotion to be felt even if it takes time to seep in.

Emotions, relationships are so complex at times I feel.  I just want that I must find that someone who understands the real me before I die..I want to be understood and I want to be solved. I hate being so messed up that I wonder that I am just going to get lost . 

This lost puppy needs an owner a kind of forbidden love, friend and a irreplaceable person. Someone selfless, cutie handsome  owner who is willing to take this burden but for a priceless and true bond. Is there anyone.

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