My morning thoughts

I don’t know that anyone will be reading this, but I will be writing it. Not to be heard, to heal. I have been doing a lot of heavy thinking the past couple of days. It hits especially hard in the early mornings (and late at night when I can’t sleep) when my man has gone to work and both kids are off at school. I’m home alone lost in thought and preparing myself for my work day. For the most part I’ve been reflecting back on the past years of my life and feeling such a crazy mixture of emotions. Fear, anxiety, anger, grief, inadequacy…the horrid list goes on and on. Enduring the loss of my father was brutal. My spouse and I, together for 10 years decided it was best to end our marriage although it was mutual and we did so quietly and respectfully it was hard nonetheless. Big major life changes were happening across the board. Same comfortable job for 5 years, gone. Same person next to me for 10 years, gone. Being a first time home owner huge responsibility, raising two kids HUGE responsibility and where was I personally? In a deep dark depression I thought I couldn’t possibly escape from. But with a little help from my friends and family that need not be named (because they know who they are) I pulled through it and not easily I might add. A year ago today I was a wreck. But I’m here alive and well and choosing to heal my mind, my body and my spirit. I am choosing to help myself be my best self. I will allow myself to feel and be happy and content!

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