So…. it’s Friday night and I am very fortunate to be with my children. We went and tried the new Italian restaurant uptown. It was good… at least what we had. Pizza,calamari & stuffed mushrooms. Cooked by authentic Italians. Last night a had the fortune to go to a concert. A friend wanted to do that for me for my birthday. Let me tell you…….. good friends are miracles to me right now considering that I cannot even speak to my best friend. Speaking of my best friend………. let me just explain how exited I was tonight to catch a glimpse of the most beautiful woman on this planet. She is the only lady that I could stare at for hours. I mean, when I see her my heart flutters a bit. I am the luckiest man alive right now for getting to see her. Any time that I am meeting her for kid swap I am literally nervous like a 1st date. I can’t even hardly speak and I get that lump in my throat. I’m not 100% sure why though. There is guilt mixed with the excitement of getting to see her. If she ever speaks to me again in the lifetime I already anticipate on being a deer in the headlights. She means so much to me. I would lay on the ground and let her stand on me if she lost her shoes and her feet were cold. I think that maybe she knows how I feel about her?!?!? I always wanted to make her feel like the sexiest woman alive. I would peek in on her before or after showers. I would always tell her that she was everything that I desired. I did these things on purpose because I know personally what it is like to suffer from self esteem issues. The best thing that you can do for your spouse is to compliment them even if you do not feel that they are deserving of it at that particular time. I have been collecting screenshots of Facebook “memories”. I often get memories of posts where I was bragging about my wife on some level. Wow, she made me smile… and still does. I broke her heart but she still did great things for me. I owe her a lifetime of servitude. Remember the prodigal son??? How he wanted nothing more than to just be a servant?? That is me!!! I took for granted getting to lay next to my favorite thing on earth(every night). I let anger take control. I have so much shame to bear. I am embarrassed of myself. I feel bad for my children. I know that they want their family together. I have a lot of people whispering in my ear…. they ask questions…. they try to give advice etc. One thing that I do know is that I MUST pursue what is in my heart. What if there happens to be a one percent chance that I can still attain all of my dreams. I CANNOT afford to miss my chance. I know that I am one of only a few who would still believe when everything seems to be against me. I don’t care how crazy it looks. I know that satan is after all of our families/marriages. I opened up the door to him just a little bit and baaaam, he made himself at home. Well, I kicked you out satan. My God goes before me. Thank you Lord.