Who Am I?

Who am I? 

Well that is a good question, I am at the age of figuring that out but here’s who I think I am at this point. 

I am a 20 year old university student from Toulouse(France) who is in love with someone she can’t have. Sounds normal right? *BUZZER SOUND* Wrong! Not for me at least. I’m the girl everybody hates in high school, not that anyone actually likes anyone in high school. But that’s a different point lets get back to mine shall we? I grew up in a wealthy family, had the grades and the beauty, had what ever guy I wanted (which was usually the guy everyone else wanted). Needless to say not many people liked me in high school. Didn’t change much when I got to college sadly. But what people didn’t realize was there was two sides to my story. In private I had been through more in my short life time than most people go through in their entire lives. I am 20 years old but I have a 7 year old son. You do the math. Life wasn’t as good as I had to let everyone believe for “the sake of the family name”. Fast forward to 2015 when I met Caid (name change for anonymity’s sake). I was introduced by my boyfriend at the time, they were in band together and Caid was in the frat that my boyfriend wanted to join so they were sorta friends. Well i didn’t really give Caid the time of day because I was happy with who I was with. Fast forward to about a year later, Lane and I had broken up and I got a friend request from Caid, who I had all but forgotten about. I added him back without really thinking about it afterwords. A few weeks went by without anything happening, then one day I was in line to get my coffee and when I got up there my coffee was already ready and paid for with a note on the cup. The note said “you look especially beautiful today -Caid”. I hadn’t even noticed him in line it was to early to truly pay attention. He had asked if they new what my order was and since I got coffee every morning from the same place on campus they did. I sent him a thank you on facebook but never heard back. A few days later I started noticing him in other places. The dining hall and the post office, where he worked. The Fine Arts building (well duh he’s in band), buildings we both had classes in, etc. Basically I just really started noticing him more. For the rest of the semester it was just random sweet gestures from him.  Like little encouragement notes or a flower in my mail box or my coffee already paid for. Every time I tried to thank him I never got a response. All of this really frustrated my ex who was and still is my best friend (I promise it works lol). He didn’t want me dating or even being interested in someone from his frat especially someone who was becoming president. Fast forward to June this past summer. Caid finally messaged me back and we talked continuously for about a week on Facebook until we exchanged numbers and continued talking. Since school was out, his work hours were cut so he started working at Domino’s which my sister and I started ordering delivery all the time and requesting him as a driver. Usually your just supposed to drop off the pizza and leave but he would stay and talk with us until he had to leave. We ended up going on a few dates and then started what I call old school dating (not together but just seeing each other). Eventually he was at my apartment almost every night and when I had to move out because summer ended, I was switching between staying with him, at a friends or on the couch at my sisters. Most nights I was with him. I would go to parties and rarely left with anyone but him (by that I mean going home with my sister). I admit it I knew he didn’t want a girlfriend per say to begin with but because of who he was and how he was with me I was okay with that. I just got so used to waking up to him I guess I pressured him to reconsider it a little to much without meaning to. When to be completely honest just getting to be with him was enough. I fell in love with him, like head over heels in love with him. And then he ended things…. the next day I found out I was pregnant( I hadn’t really gained any weight so I was about four months without knowing)…. but wasn’t healthy enough to carry the baby. I  don’t know if it was loosing our son or him having just ended things the day before that makes it so hard to not be with him… I’ve been with other guys, tested out the dating field and all that but no one makes me feel like he does…

So that’s me sorta in a nutshell I guess without really telling you about me haha

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