I’m trying, I really am, but it’s hard controlling myself from doing these things. I cry, a lot, because of the past, present, and future. I get upset because I think about the scars that haven’t healed yet from my past. I cry about the present because of downs, and stress, and I cry about the future because of stress and the unknown. Sometimes I cry over happiness, but most of the time it’s stressful. Being financially stabled is hard, especially since I just started my actual life.
I fucked up a couple of months ago. I’m not the best driver, I’ve gotten better (I need glasses to drive also lol) you are probably seeing where I’m going with this, yeah, I got into a car accident. I was being stubborn like always, not having control of myself, I wanted to be “independent” and drive into town and I demolished an electricity pole with my first truck (I miss the damn thing). I didn’t have insurance at the time and also I only had a permit (lucky me right). The cop that showed up though was like super cool, only gave me a ticket right? I paid that off.
Hubby and I got this great deal on a place so we started to plan ahead, silly us. Finally we thought things are going to get better from here. WE THOUGHT. I got a bill today, almost seven thousand dollars. Seven fucking thousand dollars! I can’t pull that out of my ass (yes, I’m crying right now lol). I’ve had three anxiety attacks already.
I also struggle with accusing hubby with dumb things. Do I mean them? I don’t think I do but it starts getting into my head. I get mad at least once a week with him over irreverent things. My friends call me crazy. I don’t even know if they are playing or not. Why can’t I control myself? I wish life would just give me a break so I can focus on my self-control.