Sunday December 17th

I am so depressed. I am so lonely. I’m thinking about killing myself a lot today. I cannot imagine any possible way I can ever be happy again. I cannot possibly live like this for 40 more years. No fucking way. No one gives a shit. My mother does care about me. I do believe that. No one else does, though. My kids don’t give a fuck. If they did they would have asked Brent to give me a chance. They won’t. Bethany even got mad at me for asking her to. I know I was a bad wife. I know I didn’t appreciate my husband. I am so deeply ashamed at how I treated him at times. I absolutely hate myself for it. I really hate myself. He won’t forgive me. He says he has, but he won’t give me another chance. I have ruined my life. I can’t fix it. It can’t be fixed. I try to think of things to be optimistic about- I try to, there’s just not anything. 

One thought on “Sunday December 17th”

  1. Gotta learn to forgive yourself and be more gentle to yourself. Start from within (as cliche as that sounds). I say this from many, many years of personal experience with major depression, child abuse and neglect-related PTSD, and anxiety. Hang in there. It DOES get better, gradually!

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