I am so depressed. I am so lonely. I’m thinking about killing myself a lot today. I cannot imagine any possible way I can ever be happy again. I cannot possibly live like this for 40 more years. No fucking way. No one gives a shit. My mother does care about me. I do believe that. No one else does, though. My kids don’t give a fuck. If they did they would have asked Brent to give me a chance. They won’t. Bethany even got mad at me for asking her to. I know I was a bad wife. I know I didn’t appreciate my husband. I am so deeply ashamed at how I treated him at times. I absolutely hate myself for it. I really hate myself. He won’t forgive me. He says he has, but he won’t give me another chance. I have ruined my life. I can’t fix it. It can’t be fixed. I try to think of things to be optimistic about- I try to, there’s just not anything.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."