Really Messed Up…..

I really messed at work…I’m having a hard time dealing with everything. I did what I did to lessen the situation by filing paper work. Which means at least I won’t lose my job. However that doesn’t make me feel any better as what I did and how I see life and that I’m totally numb makes me do things or not do things that I should be doing or not doing depending on which way you look at stuff. So my not doing anything in the situation I double screwed up and so by filing paper work I took one thing out of the equation. I didn’t lie at the end of the day and in that I can “live” with myself…what ever that looks like as my life doesn’t work. I put myself in sick today when I left work. However I didn’t just do the paper work until later, I went back when I decided to “fix” this. I don’t know what to do at this point. I forced myself to go to the Retirement web sight and played with what my monthly pension would be with different retirement dates. I can’t leave………….I didn’t sleep last night, bad dreams, I can’t calm down. I’m not doing anything, not walking, not vacuuming like I thing I need to do. Anyway…..maybe if I get some sleep tonight I’ll feel better tomorrow. Thanks  

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