Today is a special day. I got to go to my parents for dinner and got to eat some of my favorites. My mom and my wife are my 2 favorite cooks. No doubt. One more thing that I miss……. ahhhh, that lady was sure a kitchen magician. She was not only a sexy momma multi tasking in the kitchen…… she made some dang good food. I received a much needed phone call from my children. It is so relieving to hear their joy. They have not yet experienced the hurt and destruction that lays awaiting for us like a lion in the shadows. The beauty of children and their faith is overwhelming. They believe that their family can be restored. My son said the other day “Dad, you need to be successful”. The thing is….. my family never had to do without even when my exotic spending. I suppose children will always have to suffer the consequences of their parents choices. When my wife would act embarrassed of me I would think to myself…… at least you have never had to suffer the embarrassment of losing everything financially. Maybe it is in the script. Our choices/drama over the past few years have taken its toll on finances. I have always tried to convince her that material things mean nothing to me. They only meant something when I had a family to enjoy them with. I could attempt to be successful… but why?!?!? Just to have it thrown in my face during a divorce?? When I was younger, I could not comprehend how someone could become homeless and desperate. I completely understand now. A broken heart can wreak havoc on an individual. Hopelessness is real. It affects us who have hung our lives on our families. We don’t care about us. We only care about the life that we once knew. I have never desired more than for my wife to see my commitment for my family. I received a message from a dear friend today. It read “I think that God put you in my path to see/learn commitment”. That really struck a chord with me. How could my wife never accept that?? I had always told her to only put your energy into your family. Other people come and go. They will be your friend one day and then the next be inconvenienced by you. I would have spoon fed her in a wheelchair if I had to. She has now changed her name so I suppose that it is not my responsibility anymore. But God knows my heart… I would be there for her no matter what. If she ever was desperate and damaged by this world I would be here with open arms. I posted this picture of her because I have a tattoo of this very same picture. I never had any second thoughts about it. I didn’t listen to the naysayers who said that I should not get a tattoo of a person because people come and go. I just knew that she was/is the love of my life. So be it. I’ll be buried with it. Just because she changed her mind doesn’t mean that I have to. Without my family, this world has NOTHING to offer me. I’m ready to meet my creator. Hopefully sooner than later. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. I seen that today is the 3 year anniversary of moving into this new house. We were so excited about it. It was short lived for my bride. I have a picture of her hugging the barn. I remember when the owner would call and say that he changed his mind and not want to sell. It would really bum us out. Maybe one day this home can offer another family a fortress for their love and life building together. Every inch of this property provides just another memory of when I lived like a king. If I was rich I would turn it into a cornfield. I picture my family out in the yard playing with their animals. I reminisce about my wife outside in her boots having animals following her around. It hurts. I think about us in the barn when she declared her love for me after a separation. Father God, take this from my plate.