No more feeling sorry for myself.

***** update… I was scrolling through my FB memories and just seen that I had posted this pic on 12-20-12. Exactly 5 years ago. I did not know that when I posted it. God you are amazing. I know for a fact that this was no coincidence!! Thank you Lord!! ******* What a great day. I got a long workout in at PF and then swung by my parents for birthday dinner #2. LOL I eat way healthier than I used to. Why didn’t I take care of myself better when my family was here?? I am trying to feel better and be healthier. I know that I would have tried before to lose weight etc. I could have been more of an asset to my family. This constant fatigue that I have suffered over the past several years has really taken its toll on me. I gave up sugar several months ago. I’m going to get myself off of these meds. I should have also wanted to be physically more attractive to my bride. It was selfish for me to not take care of myself. Looking back…. I should have done anything in my power to make myself more appealing to that wonderful lady. I was thinking today how awesome it would have been if we could have done physical fitness together and been accountable to one another. It would have been great to go workout together after the kids left for school. The only fitness that we used to do together was to go to R&I every morning and “fitness” omelet in our mouths. Oh how I miss those times spent together. On a good note, I have received several uplifting messages from friends over the past few days. God knows that I needed that. Everyone knows that I miss my family dearly. I stopped by my barber earlier and of course she always asks about my wife. And, just like everyone else, she said (in an accent) “wow, I have never seen someone love their wife they way that you do and how highly you talk of her”. I’m not a closet lover…. I announce my love for her any chance that I get. Maybe it will minister to someone?? Maybe someone needs to know that there is people who think highly of their spouses. I told my mom tonight that if I ever get the opportunity to get my family back that we will be a testimony for the ages. These days on this earth are very hard on relationships. Many things to distract us. Social media especially. And if someone we know is having a hard time….. they don’t mind seeing us going through the same things. You know they say that misery loves company. In all truthfulness, I love seeing families together and happy. When people see my passion for my family they wish me well and do not try to talk me out of it. I just tell them that the work involved is worth the prize. This I am confident of. The picture that I chose for today is another heaven painted canvas. I remember where it was taken(applebees in Savoy). That shirt thingy that she is wearing was the center of many jokes. She wore it liked a model. However, it was like 37 feet long. I couldn’t resist teasing her. It was all in fun. You see, my files are flooded with pics of that lady. She was it. Some people take photos of their car, truck, house etc. But that lady…. she was my prize. She would get annoyed about all of the “butt” pics that I took. Geez, I probably have 40 of those. I took pictures for one reason… not my mypleasure. I took pics of her for her pleasure. I always wanted her to know how important that she was to me. She was usually my profile picture and background photo. Obviously not anymore or she would be MAD!! LOL. That would be kind of awkward for her. I have often times thought of making her my profile pic but I know that the outcome would be bad. The one thing that I know for sure…. if I died tomorrow anyone who knows me would say that my wife and my kids were my true desire. Sorry Lord and sorry to my bride for sometimes showing otherwise. I represented God, my parents, and my family when I would do “stupid”. I regret representing them the way that I did. I can’t take it back. I have to stop living in the past shame. It aches to think about things that I have done. I am surely paying the price. Goodnight.

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