Wednesday December 20th

Today is the first day of my winter break. We don’t go back to school until January 3rd. I need to try to get myself together to some degree before we begin the second semester. I applied to start school next semester to get my principal certification, but I am not at all the least bit interested in actually doing it. I don’t really want to, but at some point what I do now will probably be too much for me, and of course, there is the money. So many people have their admin cert, though. So many people that never get an actual job after they spend all that time and money. There is no part of me that wants to run a school. I don’t know what to do. 

I called to get the info for foster care. I am going to go to those classes next semester. That is free and there is no reason not to at least go. I feel like if I actually did get a foster kid or kids, I would need to have a house. I know that they just need a place to go, but I would like for it to be like a real home for them. I would like a back yard and toys, etc. I don’t want it to just be a safe place for them to sleep. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. 

I asked Brent if he wanted to go to dinner tonight. He said he would be out of town. I asked him about Thursday, then, he said he had plans. It’s a funny fucking thing to me that every time I go over there to get Noah, his ass is just sitting there, but to hear him tell it, he’s a fucking social butterfly. He must really hate me. He is not dating anyone as far as I can tell. I have seen no signs of it since I have been back here. So that means he’s rather be alone than with me. I don’t know why that is so hard for me to accept- that he absolutely wants nothing to do with me. It is, though. I just don’t understand. 

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