Him and Her.

I feel a little stupid caring about this or even writing about this. It honestly just feels so high school. My best friend and my ex boyfriend became best friends after we broke up. He even tried to put a move on her. And calls her on a normal basis even though he has a girlfriend. I’ve tried to make my heart callous towards him for years so I would feel nothing but no matter what I do, I can’t stop feeling the way I do about him. I told my friend this and said maybe if we all hang out again I can remember why I ended things with him so long ago. But she is always so completely adverse to the idea of us hanging out. It always causes me to be angry at her because she knows how I feel and yet does not even try to put herself in my shoes and help the situation. To be honest, the fact they are friends at all bothers me. But to purposely rebuke the remote possibility of us ever being friends and never encouraging what might make me comfortable or happy even is what continues to make me think maybe i should distance myself from her. we have ever only had one huge fight. I didn’t talk to her for two months. I tried to get back together with him and he had closed his heart off to me. During that time my friend asked him to a dance and led him on (which is when he tried to kiss her). She never had any feelings for him but she had completely disregarded mine. Its been two years since then and they still talk consistently. Am I wrong for being bothered? Or is she in the wrong and breaking the girl code? I think she is wrong. And so do a lot of people. This has been an issue for me for years and I’ve swallowed the pain and aggravation for so long. Maybe it’s time to dig up the past and settle things. But what could I say that hasn’t already been said? I’ve told her time and time again how i feel. she makes excuses and says they were friends too but honestly who’s feelings matter more? mine (her best friends)? or his? and surely there is a compromise or  a solution but she never entertains it. I don’t know I’m just done ignoring the way I feel. It’s painful. That’s why I’ve swallowed it for so long. But eventually it was bound to come up. I’m going to lay low on our friendship for a while and find people who truly care enough about me to consider my feelings. 

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