Day 1 December 22,2017 3:44 am

Attached a pic of what he did to my face tonight. I’m so sad. I sit here and I start to feel bad for Red. Why?? Why am I so stupid?? He would never feel bad for me. He treats me like absolute crap. I don’t know why I feel bad but I do. I know that their is something mentally wrong with him. He is really got something wrong in the head. I think he is schizophrenic. I’m 99% sure that he is and he has grandiose delusions. I feel sad for him. I feel sad that he’s not the man I fell in love with he’s not all there in the head. I just feel sad. I feel sorry for him I do. But I can’t allow this to happen anymore. All I’ve ever wanted was love and a happy marriage all my life. I’ve never had that in all my 32 years. To be honest me and Red have never been happy. God we used to fight like crazy befor we ever had kids. Why in God’s name did we even make it this far I will never know. Me and him should have divorced over a decade ago. We should have never even gotten married. I hate my life I really do. And I try. I try so so hard to be happy and have good times but it never stops. The wheel never stops turning. And I can’t seem to get ever get off it. I will never understand what I did in life to deserve to be treated the way I’ve always been treated. I’ve been treated like trash my whole entire life.

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