I Went On A Date.

In the midst of all the chaos, I was asked out for a drink on my way home from Christmas shopping with my Mom. I balked at the idea, after all, I was in my plumbing sweatshirt, jeans and romeos. I had no makeup on so I borrowed some mascara from my sister. I still wasn’t anything fancy. I hesitated for almost an hour. When I got to the bar, I sat outside in the 30-something degree weather, debating whether or not I was brave enough to go in. I kept telling myself he hadn’t seen me yet so I could just get in the truck and leave, if I wanted… Part of me was curious and excited and I wanted to be brave… I went in. At first, he still didn’t see me so I hesitated again. I thought to myself “just turn around and book it, he’ll never know!”… But I didn’t. I said hi, sat down at the bar next to him and ordered a drink. We chatted for a few hours, including half an hour after the bar closed and almost another hour outside in the parking lot. He’s handsome and grounded and a gentleman. All things I appreciate. He made my heart happy by telling me how glad he was that we had been talking and how good I was at holding a conversation… Oh, I supposed I should mention that we talked for 3 weeks before meeting. He asked to see me this weekend. He hugged me goodbye. I can’t lie, I really want someone to swoop me up and hug me for a solid minute or two. Being in someones arms is the best, just saying. He asked me out again last night but I have so much to do to get ready for Christmas. Presents need wrapping, the dog needs a bath, the house needs cleaning and food needs cooking. Thankfully my family is coming to help because I am incapable of doing most of it. But I try and will do what I can with the time I have. Anyway, I didn’t want him to know I’m a basket case and an anxiety ridden individual so I simply said I had too much to do and apologized for not being able to come out. We talked all day and into the night when he was bar hopping. At some point the responses stopped and today has been radio silence. Part of me is too busy worrying about Christmas to really care but there’s certainly this curiosity in the back of my mind… Honestly, I think I’m a bit tainted. I’m so used to people leaving me now that I just assume that is what’s going to happen so I remain guarded. I mean, it’s date #1 so I think it’s okay to be guarded but… I just want to fall in love. I’m not saying it has to happen overnight or on the first date but I pray for the day when someone takes me in their arms and I just know I’m loved… When the worries and the fears melt away and I know I’m home. I guess time will tell…

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