Because I work tomorrow (Christmas) and Sammy is going to her in-laws we did “Christmas” today. I have mixed feelings about doing holidays not on the actual holidays….. because then when the holiday comes around it feels like a Tuesday. Kind of like having your birthday on the weekend and then no cake on your actual birthday. It was okay. I got band merch which is cool. I am going to Janko’s after work tomorrow soo I will have a little bit of Christmas on Christmas. We are also taking food down to Kimel. One of the Kpop idols in one of the bands I like committed suicide. I have mixed feelings….. I still think it is one of the most selfish things you can do….. And I know that is an unpopular opinion but I have first hand experience and they can fight me. There’s a famous quote that says it doesn’t end the pain it just transfers it to someone else. The quote is right. I know in that moment you only think about yourselve but it still makes me angry. I wonder if they realize what actually happens after. If they know that there mom will walk past there room everyday wishing like hell they were in it. If they knew every day they will be missed. That there friends and family will struggle with all the missed moments and time they should have had. That there siblings will write them letters on a online journal just so they can pretend that there still here…….. Even if it’s just a little while.
Angry but still missing you always,