Sun 24th

Things are really bad right now.

I’m hiding in my boyfriends bedroom at a Christmas party. And what makes it worse is that I really tried this time. 

I’ve had a few drinks whilst I got ready, and some more as the party began. I spoke to a few people and did my best to keep the conversation as interesting as possible. 

But after that I was just standing there next to my boyfriend in a room full of drunk people I didn’t know listening to conversations that I couldn’t join in on. 

It makes me feel worthless and like such a burden, just clinging to my boyfriends arm. 

I decided that it was better for me just to not be there. So now I’m upstairs. My boyfriends checking in on me and says it’s fine… 

But it’s not fine, I’ve only made one appearance which makes me feel really rude but I feel even worse when I’m just standing there in silence. 

This is such a shit Christmas eve. 

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